Bryan is 15 months clean (yesterday). I use to think I shouldn't post anniversaries or dates because the minute I would post it, he would relapse. There have been no relapses during this time frame.
He has been home three (3) weeks and it hasn't been perfect. I instigated a serious talk with him last Saturday; and I told him that bad choices on his part would lead to moving out. I told him that I was not going relive the past with him. It appears he heard me...we will see.
I can say that overall, it has been wonderful having him here. I have learned that I don't particularly like living alone (which I have done for the last 9 months), and having Bryan here brings a certain happiness and joy into my life (I NEVER thought I'd say that ever again). He plays with Whitney (my 6-month border collie) and she loves having a big brother. He talks to me about life, his friends, regular stuff and he is thoughtful, intelligent and funny. He seems to care about whether I am giving him money for "play," and he continues to look for work. When I ask him what he is thinking about in terms of a career or making a living, he says "I haven't given up on medicine." Just hearing him say that is amazing to me! For a long time I didn't think I would want him back in my life (living with me), but so far (and yes, I realize it has only been three weeks) it has been good for both of us.
I have actually started to wonder if I will ever stop counting the months clean, or if I will ever think of him as anything but an "addict" (whether recovering or not). It's very hard to imagine that I might get to that stage where I just think of him as my son, but I am seeing glimpses of something in him ...something not related to addiction and drugs. I really enjoy those moments, I must say.
I LOVED reading this Lisa ! I'm so happy for you and Bryan ....enjoy. :)
ReplyDeleteOur sons are in similar places. I can relate to your joy and worries. It is exciting to see glimpses of new healthy character traits. Like my son, Peter, may Bryan continue to grow in wisdom and strength. Our children have so much potential, and with God as their strength, they will flourish. Blessings to you.
ReplyDeleteIt is scary, huh?? When my nephew gets released from prison, he is coming here and I hope he doesn't screw it up.
ReplyDeleteSo good to hear that Bryan is bringing joy into your home! Enjoy every moment. I think eventually enough time will pass that the worrisome thoughts will fade and you will think of him as your son that used to be an addict and eventually just your son - but with a great success story to share.
ReplyDeleteIt makes me smile to think of him and Whitney playing :)
Praise God!!! :) I'm so happy for you and B that it is going well - and that you are opening up to allow yourself to feel the enjoyment and the blessings that come with him living with you. Such a great post to read :)
ReplyDeleteGod bless.
Congratulations to Bryan for his hard work.
ReplyDeleteMy Brian has been clean for almost three years; and like you I don't like acknowledging anniversaries. There have been way too many relapses prior to this.
I enjoy each day as it comes. When people ask about Brian I usually reply. "Today is a good day".
God bless and I hope Bryan has many good days ahead.
I'm glad you posted this. It's wonderful to read happy parts of your story! God bless you both!
ReplyDeleteThere are good things and bad things about being clean for that long. The good thing is that he HAS been clean for that long!! WHOOP WHOOP !! The bad thing is that yeah, there might be a relapse. But the OTHER good thing is that IF there is, the fact that he has 15 months clean usually means it will be a short relapse followed by another lengthy sober period. Relapses are fairly common, but the statistics show that the longer the sober period, the shorter the relapse and then the addict goes on to have an even longer period of sobriety. So, all in all, it's good. It's okay, I think, to keep in mind the 'giveaways' to his using. I think it's okay to even kind of keep a peripheral eye out for them, but do not let looking for it overcome you!! Every day sober is one day more along the road, and in addiction, one step forward this far along in sobriety does NOT mean two steps back if he relapses. Chances are, IF he does, he will come to you and tell you "mom, I really fucked up." I need to go back to rehab for a bit.....
ReplyDeleteIt sounds very promising now for his future. I am happy with this outcome!!