I scrolled through the blogs that I follow and God was paying attention to this, today. Because it seemed that every blog I read, without exception, had a message of hope and joy (at various levels) and what I read over and over again, that everyone is enjoying the positive moments they are having with their addict. Hope is high and expectations seem to be in check, and that is what I needed to read and think about and execute for myself.
Bryan is going great! He is now 14 1/2 months clean (really clean with no relapses in that timeframe). He wanted to come home and live with me. He wants to go back to school and he wants to find a job (and he's looking). He is keeping his room clean and his clean friends are happy to see him and they are not shunning him or pushing him aside.
The tension and nervousness that I have been feeling is mine and mine alone. I have to Let Go and Give it to God. Even if I have to get up 15 minutes earlier than I do now, I am going to start that tomorrow morning and make sure I take time to meditate and pray; I am immediately going back to the gym and kick start feeling better physically. I am going to give myself permission to find "happy!"
I'm sure that there are things I get out of being sad, out of dealing with life the way I choose to do so. And that means, like an addict in recovery, I will slip occasionally. But that being said, I am the only one keeping myself from moving forward in a positive fashion and Darn It (That wasn't the exact term I'm really thinking! HAHA), I think I've had enough. I am going to focus on the positives...after all:
God will grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
He will grant me the courage to change the things I can (my attitude and focus); and
He will give me the wisdom to know the difference.
Thank you to everyone that posted something positive as God lead me to all those posts this morning.
TIME FLIES
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Okay, here I go again! My last published entry on this blog was January 31,
2010 and I have covered a lot of ground since that day. I am certain that
you h...
1 year ago
Lisa,...awesome !! Whatever you focus on will grow,...so it might as well be positive. I know what helped me was the realization that I can't base my happiness upon what my son is doing,...only ONE part of my life, not ALL of it, anyway. Now,of course, that's MUCH easier said than done !...especially when he was doing so badly,so self-destructive. But...also very important, I really "get it" that when my son is doing well,...as in,what we've waited for for so long,...it's even more nuts to not just enjoy it and celebrate the goodness of all of that, instead of allowing some possible future relapse or negative events(that HAVEN'T happened !) to undermine all the enjoyment of it. It matters not to me if that seems to be naive thinking or whatever one could call it,..I refuse to let the positives of what's now happening be ruined by something negative that's not happening. For me, it was helpful to feel that it was actually a lack of gratitude to not be happy and grateful about all that's good in my life, instead of focusing on something negative and worrying. I hope this comment wasn't too rambling....and I hope that you continue to have the positive focus that you wrote about here. It's great to hear about and also great that you're getting to spend some time with your son. I'm thinking of you :)
ReplyDeleteSometimes I KNOW that I am my own worst enemy. My own brain can make my life miserable and hard with worry and fear. I fight this all the time and when I succeed it is SO nice. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on your plans as I read them to myself and told myself to listen! lol
ReplyDeleteGod bless.
Love & hugs - and wishes of success to you!
As much as I want my son to come home the 9 months that he has been gone, our family dynamics have really changed. His room is now my younger sons room and the younger sons room (which was very small) has my treadmill and a single bed in there. I am not sure how it would all work out. I would also feel nervous just like you. After you have been through so much with your child it is hard to imagine they can be sober and healthy and not make your life hard.
ReplyDeleteYou have gone through a lot this past year. I hope that your son brings happiness to your life and he continues to make great progress. 14 months is a long time to be sober. From what I hear, Parents always worry about their children even if they have been sober for years. I think it is just natural for us sadly.
Good for you! Take care of your body and exercise :) Praise God for your son's success! :) I too understand the worry and fear.... Let us lift one another up and take courage. Be filled with the Holy Spirit and live abundantly. Blessing to you Lisa.
ReplyDeleteLisa, please skip over my latest blog posts. Keven didn't relapse, but I did. Now reading what you have said here inspires ME a great deal! Its so true. I am going back to the gym Tuesday next week and taking care of myself better and mediating too. Thanks, girlfriend!!
ReplyDeleteAnd as for Bryan: WAY TO GO! Keep up the great work! 14.5 months is AWESOME