It seems that I've gotten to a "place" where I feel the need to write about once a month. I don't know, honestly, if this is because I simply don't want to step away from all of you that have supported me and loved me (and Bryan with your prayers and thoughts) or if it is because I think I have something meaningful to say. And if I'm thinking about saying something meaningful...am I trying for meaningful for you or for me? Hmmmm....
I had a couple of comments on the last post that I wanted to say something about. First of all, thank you for reading and commenting, both Shelia and GenRxation. I wrote my blog for probably 6-8 months before anyone started following or commenting and knowing that there were others out there dealing with what I was dealing with, was one of the most supportive aspects of the blogging community. It helped to keep me sane. With regard to your son, I am sure he was doing well, so don't let go of that thought and those feelings, even though he has relapsed. My brother's daughter, who is now 3 years sober and we are off to buy her wedding dress (present from her aunt...me) in a couple of weeks, once told me that every moment they are sober (his daughter/my son), helps to build on itself. It makes each relapse a little less time, and they get a little better each time and want to be sober. I think he was right. So don't lose HOPE...as long as your son is breathing there is hope for his complete and total recovery.
To GenRxation, and your worries about your Mom. Make sure you tell her how much her support means to you in terms of being sober. That is the only message she needs to here. I worry about codependency, because when my son was active in his addiction, I made bad/codependent choices quite often. But I made them out of love. Still, love or not, as time went on, I figured out that there was a significant difference between helping him in recovery and enabling him in addiction. I hope that your Mom can see and feel that difference.
You asked me if I lived with Bryan while he was in recovery. He lived with us when he pretended he wanted recovery. He went into multiple rehabs, we spent thousands of dollars, and we were always hopeful that the cure had been found. When he finally admitted that recovery was not what he was interested in, and I had learned a lot about enabling and addiction, recovery and relapse, we required him to leave. He O.D.'d...survived...and finally he was ready to go into recovery. We found a live-in facility and off he went. That was at the end of October 2009; and he finally moved back home with me in January 2011. He has been living with me since and it has been more than wonderful. He has been 100% clean with no relapses since October 29, 2009.
Today/Tonight, life feels good for me. I am working on wrapping up my divorce (yes, my husband left me after 23 1/2 years of marriage, because he reengaged with his high school sweetheart), but we have been separated for 1 1/2 years and I'm moving on emotionally and mentally. I am blessed to have a good job through this down economy and I've been with my company for 13 years. I am blessed to have my son back and living with me and it is almost as if the addiction never happened (except I still have nightmares about drugs). There is even someone who loves me, although I don't know if we will get together or not. As with all good things, it is a little complicated.
I love this community. You are my friends, my compadres, and my support. A couple of you I have met in person, and I feel blessed to consider you true friends. I can only hope that I provide the same support and caring for you that you do for me. And I'll be 54 this month, and I'm even ok with that!
wow Lisa, this post is so wonderful to read ! I've read your blog for a long time, and have seen it when it wasn't this wonderful for you. You are very inspiring and I'm SO happy to hear that you're moving forward to happiness after the end of your marriage, for I know that you've gone through a lot of pain,..who wouldn't have ? And of course, hearing about your son is just very inspiring for the other parents of addicts like me out here. :) My son is also in recovery, and has been(again) since Dec. 19th,2010, but relapsed in June '11, but only for 48 hrs,..what a huge difference from the last time he relapsed, which lasted for 6 mo.s.. I think your description of how recovery can work as a progression was very apt, and I hope my son can keep going forward on the right track as yours is. Thanks for this great post. :)
ReplyDeleteThat was a great post Lisa and I am so glad you wrote it. With my son in jail/rehab right now and about to be released it is always great to read about other Parents and their children having success. It is such a difficult road we all travel and when I hear of a success it continues to give me hope with my son.
ReplyDeleteI hope you write a little more than once a month!
I really miss blogging, this community, you, and all of the other people I came to know because of it. I have barely been able to write, much less comment, so I feel like I have lost a true asset in my own recovery. I am making a point to reconnect to show support and hopefully one day get support again.
ReplyDeleteI can't believe so much time has passed since I first started following you (and many other parent of addict blogs). It is good to hear you and your son are doing well. I am stuck in the middle... working on my recovery still and worried about what the future holds for my 13 year old son. I will continue to draw on the parenting experiences that you have had to help guide me in this new journey.
Lisa - so happy to read this good news about Bryan's continuing recovery. AND, to read about how YOU are recovering from the effects of his addiction and your divorce. You are an inspiration.
ReplyDeleteI, too, am so grateful to the supportive blogging community. It has been a 'life line' for me through the worst of times - when my daughter, Hayley, was shooting heroin and living in a crack house. Thankfully, she has now been clean and sober for 18 months. I also believe there is a difference between enabling an addict and supporting recovery. I do 'help' my daughter financially, when I can. She doesn't ask - I offer. "Give it for free and for fun", as Al-Anon says. Hayley is working full time at the small, women's treatment center where she was a patient. Her work there is important - both in terms of her ongoing recovery, but also because she is helping other women addicts get on the road to recovery. However, she only earns $11.00/hr - and lives in Orange County, CA. She lost EVERYTHING over the last 10 years of her downward substance abuse spiral, so, at age 32, is starting from scratch. Thank god she is a college graduate - and will always have that higher education degree.
I've also had difficulty posting more regularly over the past 6 months. However, I also think that this is a sign that I, too, am moving on - and am not totally obsessed with my daughter's addiction (and recovery). Still, I hope to continue my blog as best I can and give support and hope to other parents of heroin addicts. Thank you for all your wise words and supportive comments. It has meant a lot.