I realize that I'm missing you! I'm missing reading about your lives (although for some of you, I have a FB connection), I'm missing keeping in touch, I'm missing sharing and I'm missing our friendship. But I felt just a tiny bit better when I saw that on one blog that I follow, the writer had stayed away since January 2010! LOL I've only been away a month and a few days.
I have started telling people that the addiction cycle in my life is over and it is as if it never happened! I know that you will find that hard to believe and you may even think that I'm being unrealistic by looking at it that way. Honestly, that is how it feels! Bryan will be two years clean in 15 days without a relapse, without any drama, without any baggage or history to deal with. He will have been living with me for 10 months, and working full time the entire time (he was unemployed for two weeks when he got home and has worked ever since). His best friend, who he sees 4-5 times per week, socializes with, visits with, etc., is stable and has never had a drug problem. And now he and his friend are talking about renting a house together so both of them can move out of their parents homes at 23 years old. Wow! And I'll miss him if he moves out!
I've retitled the blog and I'm thinking about my life and my son's life in a very different way. I am so very blessed!
I realize that because I haven't had all the drama and negative aspects that some have had, that maybe I'm not realistic, or facing reality. I realize that I've probably stopped working on my enabling behavior, but to be honest, I don't really have anyone to enable anymore! If I ever end up in a relationship again, I'll need to be cognizant of this.
So what's up? I'm focusing on dealing with being single and 54; I'm focusing on finalizing my divorce, I'm focusing on making sure my job is going well (for 8 months or so it has been terrible, but there has been some significant improvement in the last two months), I'm starting to focus on my own health and well being again, although it will be a long, hard road; and I'm really starting to forget what it felt like to be an addict's mom...what it felt like to love an addict. I'm not gloating or bragging, and in fact it brings tears to my eyes for everyone that is either still involved, or just getting involved in this way of life. But I am grateful for what God and my son have given to me as a gift; and I do miss everyone!
Sounds like things are going well, I am happy for you! And your son!
ReplyDeleteGlad that all is well.
ReplyDeleteNow stop counting the day he's been clean.
God Bless
I am soooooooooo happy for you and your wonderful son. Your story should give hope to a lot of us, it does to me.
ReplyDeleteI'm 52 and single, maybe we should start man hunting together :) Honestly - I don't even want one right now, which sort of scares me.
I agree with yaya, from now on it can be counted in years, not days. Some day you will look back and say "wow its been ten years since he's used!"
I guess I count the days because a long time ago, I some how believed that if he could be clean for two years then it was a real milestone (yes, I know people are clean for years and years and then relapse).
ReplyDeleteSo I think that in 9 days, when he reaches that 2-year mark, in my head and my heart I will be able to let go of the calendar!
This is so great to hear Lisa! I have to just mention that while my son was in active addiction reading blogs of kids who weren't always gave me hope. Reading the blogs of Parents who were dealing with active addiction made me not feel alone.
ReplyDeleteI am proud of almost a 90 days with my son, I would be amazed and over the moon when he gets to two years.
Lisa,
ReplyDeleteI am finding myself at the same juncture as you. My son is sober over five years now, and I am seeing my life go in new directions. But I don't want to let my blog go, just redirect it.
The cycle of life goes on, even after addiction. Two of our children have married in the past five years, one being the son whose life was the seed for our Glass House blog; the other a daughter who is now expecting her first baby. Last weekend, my dad passed away, and yesterday we had his memorial service. And our oldest son is still struggling with social substance abuse.
We want our blog to be a reflection of life, with its ups and downs, and I'm mulling over how to give it a facelift.
Anyhow, we rejoice with you in Bryan's sobriety. It is an amazing miracle! I know about how that kind of miracle feels; last June, our then-future-daughter-in-law threw our son a five-year sobriety party; they have since married, last month.
Anyhow, enjoy every minute!
Love and hugs,
Cheri
Oh, how I hope to be where you are one day. To be free from this cycle of addiction with my son! I read your stories, and it gives me hope... Thank you!
ReplyDelete